


i heard love is blind

by juguitos



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Post-Break Up, Post-Canon Fix-It, over use of canon dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-19 07:28:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22007341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juguitos/pseuds/juguitos
Summary: Callum finds himself in the middle of London alone, with no boyfriend and a broken heart. He gets himself a taxi and heads to the hotel he had booked them almost two weeks ago. His plan had been like so;  the 24th with the Beale’s, Christmas morning at the Mitchell’s, a quick stop with the Carters, and starting Boxing Day all the way into the New Year, spending it with Ben in a hotel room, no interruptions.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell, Callum "Halfway" Highway/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 26
Kudos: 134





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title and inspiration for the fic is from amy winehouse's song

Callum tries. He tries too damn hard to forget _him_. To forget _Ben_. But he can’t, he knows deep down that what he feels for Ben is genuine love and it will survive regardless of what Ben said to him that cold December night.

But that doesn’t stop him from still trying to forget him, to get him out of his system.

It’s now been a week since Ben so harshly broke up with him _I don’t love you and I don’t want your love_ , Callum is still so desperately trying to forget those words that Ben spat out.

He’s on his own now, though. With one last look before he left Walford he saw Ben stalking off talking to the man that caused them to become _this_.

Callum finds himself in the middle of London alone, with no boyfriend and a broken heart. He gets himself a taxi and heads to the hotel he had booked them almost two weeks ago. His plan had been like so; the 24th with the Beale’s, Christmas morning at the Mitchell’s, a quick stop with the Carters, and starting Boxing Day all the way into the New Year, spending it with Ben in a hotel room, no interruptions. Just the two of them, practicing being a bit more domestic. Breakfast in bed, lounging around in their boxers, sex with no interruptions, no needing to be quiet (which Ben always struggled with), and only getting dressed to either answer the door for room service or to go out and get food. Rinse and repeat, for a whole week.

But his plans had come crushing down. The words Callum told Ben were true. He was— _is_ — in love with Ben, except he planned to tell him as the New Year rolled in, not under a heated argument that resulted in his heart being broken into a million pieces.

He checks into the hotel, with heavy feet he enters the room, the surprise that he had planned for Ben, a stark reminder of his failed relationship. There’s champagne and two tall glasses in the center table, there’s rose petals all over the bed and floor. Its cliché, he knew that since the start, but he knew Ben loved everything that was cliché. He closes the door behind him, letting himself fall to the ground, uncontrollable sobs filling the room. _Ben I love you, I’m in love with you. Ben I—._

Callum takes a deep breath, calming his sobs. It’s over. Him and Ben, they’re _done._ He summons the energy and gets up off the ground, heading to the table and opening the champagne bottle. He grabs a glass off the table; his intention clear on serving himself a glass, but chucks the glass instead and takes a long swig straight from the bottle.

He stumbles across the room, memories of this feeling filling his mind. He remembers the last time he felt this way, and opted to deal with it the same way, trying to drink his sorrow away. Except this time, Ben won’t be here to comfort him, take him into his arms and whisper _it’s going to be okay, you’ll get through this, we’ll get through this._ He takes his phone out of his pocket, in the hopes that maybe Ben has sent him a text, telling him he was sorry, that he was an idiot and had made a huge mistake, or even asking him to come back, because if he did that, Callum would be back in Walford just for Ben, for them. But he doesn’t have any missed calls or texts from Ben, just a few texts from Stuart and one from Lola wishing him a Happy Christmas and letting him know that Lexi loved her gift.

Callum _needs_ to forget Ben, needs to get him out of his system. He takes a quick shower, shaves, and dresses himself in something nice, something that doesn’t scream _‘I’m heartbroken and need to forget everything’_ ; he splashes some cologne, grabs his phone and is out of the room, determination to forget Ben in each step that he takes.

He finds himself in a gay bar. Ordering himself a whiskey, he takes a seat at the bar, when he feels someone slide next to him. He turns to see the person and for a fraction of a second his heart flutters, thinking the body that pulled itself so close to him, was Ben. He takes a closer look at the man, he’s slightly taller than Ben, but still shorter than Callum, he’s got the same chestnut colored hair, a little longer than Ben’s, fuller lips, he has a soft round face, no harsh lines surrounding his features or detailing a hard life, but he does have the same piercing blue eyes. Callum finds himself drawn to that man. And he hates himself because he knows _why_ he’s so drawn to him.

“Do you come here often?” he asks, his voice is deeper than Callum would have thought.

“No, I’m—no, I’m not from around here” Callum stutters out his reply, still not completely used to getting hit on.

There was that time at The Prince Albert, where he had offered to get them their drinks and Callum had gone to the bar, when a young, good looking guy, was all over him. Callum at first thought the guy was just trying to be nice, when he offered him a drink, it wasn’t until he leaned in a little too close, his hand on Callum’s hip, pulling him closer and leaning into him to whisper into his ear that he finally caught on. Fortunate for Callum, but unfortunate for the man hitting on Callum, Ben had strolled over, anger clearly visible on his face; with too much force, Ben had ripped his hand away from Callum’s hip and hissed out _Hands off, he’s with me._ That memory still brought a smile to Callum’s face, after that Ben had become a little too possessive; never letting Callum get too far. His hands a little too high on Callum’s thigh, his kisses had become deeper and hotter. They had barely made it inside Callum’s flat when their clothes were practically off.

“Well, fancy to meet you, my name is Oliver. And yours?”

“Callum.”

Their initial chat is strained. Callum still feeling like he’s doing something wrong, like _cheating_ on Ben, somehow. It was just five days that he had confessed his love for Ben, but what had that mattered? He was on the mission to get him out of his mind, his whole being, his heart. He starts forgetting about the dull ache in his heart; both Oliver and Callum get some more drinks in, and get a table that’s a bit more isolated from the bar. They talked about their jobs, Oliver was a professor at a University, and he was completely amazed that Callum was working as a Funeral Director, and having his hopes in Policing. Without realizing it, Oliver was inching closer and closer to Callum. A few touches here and there. With every laugh that fell from Oliver’s lips, his hand always found itself near Callum’s bicep, holding on for a little too long. What Callum does notice is that Oliver has been looking more and more at his lips, like he wants to make the move and kiss him.

“Callum, I must ask before I possibly cross a line, do you have a boyfriend?”

It all came crashing down there for Callum. Did he have a boyfriend? Was what he and Ben have— _had_ — salvageable? _Go and find someone else to love, we’re done._ He thought about what he was going to say, long and hard, never taking his eyes off of Oliver. Taking a deep breath, and puffing his chest out, hoping that he himself believed the word he was about to say and he answered.

“No.”

Oliver nodded at that, a seductive smile spread across his face, and not breaking eye contact, he leaned in closer to Callum, whispering into his ear,

“You wanna get out of here?”

Maybe Callum was going too fast, but he felt his body shiver. Those piercing blue eyes, just like Ben’s made him melt, and practically come undone on the spot. He licked his lips before he looked back at Oliver, Callum nodded, “Yeah, lets.”

He takes Oliver’s stretched out hand, and let’s himself get pulled out of the bar.

Callum was going to forget Ben, even if it meant going against everything he believed. When Callum returns to Walford, Ben will be nothing but a memory to him, or so he hopes.

_Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben._


	2. to know him, is to love him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It feels like it’s been the longest and hardest three weeks of Callum’s life. He leaves London with a smile. And when he’s on the tube back to Walford he looks through his phone. He’s going through some of the photos that he took when his phone vibrated with a new text; a text he’s been dreading to receive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe i was bullied via anons to add more to this fic

It feels like it’s been the longest and hardest three weeks of Callum’s life. He leaves London with a smile. And when he’s on the tube back to Walford he looks through his phone. He’s going through some of the photos that he took when his phone vibrated with a new text; a text he’s been dreading to receive.

_I’m sorry._

His thumb hovers over the notification bubble, after a moment of hesitation he swipes it away with his thumb and goes back to scrolling through his photos. He’s reaching the end of the pictures he took in London, smiling at one of his favorites ones, him and Oliver posing on a bridge, the London Eye behind them in the fading sun, when he switches over to his messages, opens one of the text threads and types out a quick text;

_Had fun. Hope to see you again x_

It’s a lie; he knows it’s a lie. He wishes he didn’t have to see him again. With all the time that passed, all the men he’s been with, there was still only just one man in his mind, _Ben Mitchell._

He’s back in Walford now, and during his time in London, he’d managed to make some calls regarding the housing units outside of the Square, and was able to get himself a small flat to rent, no one that he knows frequents this side, so he’s been able to lay low for a while. He also manages to find himself a new job thanks to his army status, and for once, he’s thankful for that. He starts his new job starting the upcoming week, and though he would have liked nothing better than to start right away he’s perfectly fine with resting a few more days. He’s living okay for now.

Callum keeps getting his messages, and he keeps ignoring them.

_Callum we need to talk, please_

Callum does want to talk, he wants to know _why_ Ben did what he did, said the things he said. But he’s pushing through everything to not go running back into the arms of the man who hurt him so.

_I miss you_

_I miss you too_ , is the reply he types out, thumb hovering over the key that would send the message, he deletes it instead. But he pushes those thoughts to the back of his head. He won’t think about it. If he doesn’t think about it, he won’t hurt.

Callum has the TV on but isn’t paying attention to what’s on the screen, it’s all just white noise to fill the empty space so he won’t feel so alone. There’s a ping from his phone that is resting on the coffee table in front of him. He looks at it, wishing it was another text from Ben but is disappointed when he sees the name Oliver on the notification bubble. He clicks the messaging app and reads the text.

_Have a couple of free days, thinking about going to visit you tomorrow, miss you_

Callum doesn’t. But knows there’s no other way to forget Ben than to keep this charade up, hell, maybe if he does it long enough, he might actually forget about Ben and fall for someone else.

_Come then, I’ll be waiting_

He lies again. He doesn’t want Oliver to come, can’t find it in himself to feel excited about waiting for him and what could happen between them.

It’s been a month since he last saw Ben and what he considered his friends. He’s managed to be off the radar for a whole week after returning from London until Lola sees him, he’s completely distracted as he’s entering the Tesco and she’s coming out. She squeals in delight and practically jumps into his arms as she heads in for a hug.

“Callum! Did you just get back?” she asks, with too much energy for Callum, and the way he’s feeling.

“Nah, I’ve been back for a week”

That makes her rear back a bit, questions flashing in her eyes and realization dawning in them almost as quickly.

“Er, we know about what Ben did. You okay Callum?” he can her the worry in her voice, but he just wanted to forget that night ever happened.

“How’s Lexi? Jay?” he asks instead, hoping to steer the conversation, no matter how small, away from that night..

“Lexi and Jay are fine. Lexi misses you, ya know?” She plays with the handles of the bag she’s holding, “Callum are you doing okay?” she asks again. Callum knows that Lola won’t drop it unless he actually answers her.

“Yeah, I’m fine but I gotta go, see you around, yeah?” he answers, he’s managed to no longer tear up at that lie _I’m fine._

“How about you come over to The Vic later for some drinks?”

His stomach drops. He didn’t really feel like being around The Vic. Too many eyes would be on him again, as he had just up and left without saying a word to anyone aside from Ben and Stuart, too many people are going to feel pity for him again, something he really wasn’t interested in. But he has no other choice; he’s going to deal with this with his head held up high.

“Y-yeah, sure. What time?”

“Is 6 okay?”

He nods, and leans back into the hug that she offers him, and she pulls away with a huge smile on her face and walks away.

Callum rushes to the store and buys some things to make lunch, he’s almost about to pay when he heads back and opts to buy some condoms and lube. He had to forget Ben, and he was determined to do it.

_I’m outside your flat_

There’s a twist at the base of his stomach, he knew this was going to happen, but was still dreading every second of it. He sends out a quick reply as he’s paying for his groceries.

_Sorry, went to get some food, I’ll be there in a few_

Callum is turning at the corner of his street when he sees Oliver, it still takes his breath away how similar he looks to Ben. He pushes those feelings down, and as he approaches closer, those piercing blue eyes look at him, and the smile is so wide, it could easily make Callum forget about everything, everyone, … _someone_.

“Callum!” Oliver is on his feet; dusting off his jeans and once Callum is close enough he leans in for a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey you.”

They’re inside Callum’s flat and as he’s placing the bags on the counter when he feels Oliver come close to him, wrapping his arms around his waist. This scenario felt too familiar.

“Been thinking about you this whole week” his breath is hot against Callum’s neck, and it sends a shiver down his spine.

Callum turns his body and wraps his arms around Oliver’s neck, “That so?”

“Yeah” he leans his head back as Callum inches closer and kisses him. It’s still a foreign sensation to Callum, kissing someone else. He felt the exact same way when he went from kissing Whitney’s full and luscious lips, to Ben’s, thin and chapped ones. Oliver’s lips, are a weird combination of both, thick, and full but still chapped. Oliver hums his approval and pulls back, biting his lower lip, looking at Callum through thick lashes and half lidded eyes and he whispers, “Mind if we take this to the bedroom?”

Callum licks his lips, “Yeah.”

Oliver’s body is toned, with hard lines that define his abs and pecks, there's no soft skin to grab onto. It’s different; it's just what he needs. Oliver is energetic in bed, just like Ben. Callum hates that he still keeps comparing Oliver to Ben, but he can’t help it.

Their bodies are moving against each other, hot and slick with sweat. Oliver drags his teeth against Callum’s neck and sinks his teeth down and latches on to a spot below his jaw and begins to suck hard. It sends shivers down Callum’s back, reminding him too much of Ben. Callum’s thrusts become frantic as Oliver meets each thrust with his own; Oliver comes with a loud cry, deep, throaty and moaning. _Ben._ _Ben. Ben._ Callum releases into the condom, and comes to a full stop when he empties himself completely. He waits a few seconds, and pulls out of Oliver and slides off of him and sits at the edge of the bed, removing the full condom , tying it and tossing it into the bin next to the drawer.

“I missed ya” Callum’s head turns too fast, it sounded too similar to how Ben used to say it after they couldn’t manage some time together due to Callum’s busy schedule at the parlor or when Ben had to go out of town to meet potential outside buyers. He takes a deep breath, “Yeah, me too” he forces a smile, and gets off the bed and reaches for his discarded boxers.

“Eh, you wanna go out for a drink? Had a mate invite me”

“Oh, meeting your mates so soon?” Oliver teases.

“Well, ya don’t have to go if ya don’t wanna—“

“Callum, I’d love too!” Oliver lifts off the bed, and winces a bit, “mind if I shower first?”

“Nah, go ahead.”

Once Oliver is out of the room, Callum sits back on the bed he drops his head into his hands, _this? F_ orgetting Ben? Was going to be way too hard for him. He gets off the bed getting some clean clothes and he sees his reflection in the mirror, he sees a faint mark too high on his neck, he covers it with his hand, closing his eyes and whispers _fuck._

\--

It’s a slightly longer walk from his new flat to The Vic, so they leave a bit earlier. Callum’s hands are deep in his pockets, though Oliver keeps bumping against him as they walk. Callum knows this little game, and he decides to play along, he slides his hand out and takes Oliver’s into his. The smoothness of his hand is still an unfamiliar feeling. Ben’s hands were rough and calloused, depicting a hard working life. While Oliver had everything handed to him, a posh life that had no hardships. They, or more so Oliver, talks about what he’s been doing in the past week since they last saw each other. Callum just nods, trying too hard to pay attention; his stomach is turning as they come closer to The Vic. He stops in his tracks right in front of the door which causes Oliver to give him a questioning look, “You okay Callum?”

“Uh, yeah, it’s just, it’s been a while that I’ve been here, ya know?”

Oliver gives him and understanding nod, and squeezes his hand reassuringly. He takes a deep breath and pushes through the doors of The Vic; he’s greeted with a burst of warmth, warm faces, and confused looks all together.

“Halfway, my son!”

Callum pushes through completely holding the door open for Oliver, and before he can do anything else he’s being wrapped tight around Mick’s arms.

“Missed ya, my boy” his hug becomes tighter and Mick presses a kiss to Callum’s cheek.

“Cheers Mick” there’s a genuine smile to Callum, aside from the obvious person he didn’t want to miss, he really did miss Mick.

“Where have ya been?”

“London”

“You doing okay, son?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine” he fakes a smile at Mick, knowing damn well, he could see right through him.

Mick’s attention is grabbed by Oliver who is shifting from side to side behind Callum, his eyes roaming around the local, taking in every detail of the insides of the Vic.

“Sorry Mick, this is Oliver.”

Oliver stretches his hand out and greets Mick. Mick’s eyes go from Oliver to Callum, a concerned look on his face.

“Right, nice to meet you Oliver—I gotta” he points behind himself and heads back behind the bar.

“Callum!” he hears Lola calling him from the left side of the bar, on the table he last shared a drink with Ben, they both walk towards the table; sat at the table is Lola, Jay, and Whitney. They’re all smiles and joy until their eyes fall on Oliver.

“Who’s your friend, Callum?” asks Jay.

“Oh, this is Oliver.”

All three greet Oliver, giving each other looks, they _see it_. Callum _knows_ they see it. The drinks start pouring in; they catch Callum up with what’s he’s missed. Lucky for him, no one mentions Ben.

“So, you’re a professor?” Whitney asks Oliver, who is caught mid-drink. “That’s an upgrade” she snickers at her own comment. Callum glares at Whitney, if there was anything that bothered him was that people were so quick to belittle Ben, even now Callum didn’t dare to belittle him.

Oliver clears his throat, “Um, yeah.”

They continue their talk, reminiscing on the times that Callum was working at the Funeral Parlor. They’re all laughs and smiles. Oliver’s hand is on Callum’s thigh, Callum’s arm is set around the back of Oliver’s chair, and he squeezes his shoulder, a warm smile spread across his face. Had it been one month ago, with no problems surfacing between Ben and Callum, this whole get together would be completely different. Callum’s arm would be wrapped tightly around Ben or his hand would be resting a little too high on Ben’s thigh, he would tell them all of what they did (except the endless hours of making out and sex) but that would easily be filled in by Ben who completely enjoyed making Callum blush and make everyone in their circle uncomfortable regarding his sex life, and then he’d share their sightseeing pictures. But he’s stuck with this, just brief mentions of what he did in London.

They’re all so caught up in their conversation, that nobody notices that Ben has entered The Vic. Ben’s heart flutters as his eyes fall on Callum’s back. He’d recognize him a mile away, with or without the help of his contacts or glasses. He was about to walk over, when he takes everything in. Callum is tightly wrapped around another man, his arm holding that man just how Callum used to hold him. Callum says something that has everyone at the table laughing, and this _stranger_ leans a bit too close to Callum for Ben’s liking. Ben bites his lip, anger and jealousy pooling at the base of his stomach.

Ben orders himself a large pint, taking a seat as far away from the table Callum is sat at. Tracy places the pint glass in front of him and offers him a shy smile. Ben can hear them clearly, their laughs, their jokes, everything. It hurts him so much to see Callum actually move on.

_Go and find someone else to love, we’re done._

Those words kept resonating through his mind. He knows he said those words out of frustration and to try and protect Callum from his world, but he hates that Callum is actually going through with it. He downs his beer and orders another.

Ben sees the man that’s with Callum walk up to the bar and asks Mick something, which he assumes is the restrooms as he heads towards them. _No way._ Ben sees him clearly. He remembers the words he said to Keanu once, _you’re full of yourself, ain’t ya_ but there’s no way his eyes are making him see things. Callum’s little friend? A complete _knock off_ version of him, he smirks at his internal remark, and goes back to drinking his pint. He drops his head on the bar, and takes a deep breath _I gotta talk with Callum._

He’s lucky no one has spotted him moping around on this side of the bar, he feels a warm hand on his arm and when he looks up to his surprise its Mick, offering him a sympathetic smile.

“Not gonna kick off?” he asks as he slides a shot of vodka across the bar to Ben, “Down the hatch, on the house mate.”

“Nah Mick, there’s no kicking off, cant.” He takes the offered shot, and downs it in one go and he squeezes his eyes tight as he feels the cool liquid burn as it slides down his throat. “Cheers Mick”

A strange bond had formed between Ben and Mick over the past month. Too many times Ben came into the Vic stumbling on his own two feet, drunk off his ass. Perching himself on a stool and ordering drink after drink, sulking. When Mick would try and cut him off, Ben would lash out, not at Mick, but at himself. Too many years Mick learned of Ben’s destructive behavior and for once he took pity on Ben and tried to be a shoulder to lean on. Ben after too many times, opened up to Mick, not about Keanu, just about the breakup. It had felt good to talk about it to someone who knew Callum too well. _“Give it time, son”_ he’d say _“Get your head outta your ass, and talk to him, set things right”_. Which Ben had tried, even after three weeks of radio silence, he finally found the courage to try and talk to Callum, only to receive nothing but ignored calls and messages.

Mick is turning on his heel as he sees the doors open and sees a couple at the bar, waiting, he’s on his way over when Ben whispers, “Mick, just don’t mention I’m here, I’ve done enough to ruin him.”

Mick nods at Ben and goes to the other side of the bar to take care of the couple that had entered the Vic.

Callum excuses himself from the group to head to the restroom, he leaves with a smile. His heart feels alright. He genuinely did miss hanging out with Jay, Lola, and Whitney. What he doesn’t notice is that Ben’s eyes are on him.

Callum is splashing some water on his face when he hears the door behind him open and close, his eyes are on the mirror in front of him, and when the figure enters the restrooms completely, he feels the blood drain from his face when his eyes fall on _him_. Ben Mitchell, after a whole month trying to forget him, is right in front of him once again, making his heart beat 100 miles per minute.

“Alright?” Ben asked his tone wistful.

“Yeah, I gotta go.”

Callum was trying to push past Ben, when Ben put his arm out, placing his palm against Callum’s chest holding him in place, “Who is he?”

“What?” Callum’s chest felt like it was on fire, a single touch from Ben still had this much effect on him.

“That bloke you’re with, who is he?”

“Last I remember its none of your business” _no one, if you just say something_ Callum’s thoughts were spinning.

“What if I want to make it my business?” Ben asked, his palm pushing with a bit more force, he titled his chin up, a challenge towards Callum.

“Nah, you lost every right to try and make it your business. You made that very clear Ben, now move.”

“You think I can’t tell that your little friend is some cheap knock off version of me?” He scoffs his reply out, as his eyes fall on the very fresh mark on Callum’s neck; he feels anger and jealousy start to boil inside of him.

Ben reaches out, pushing the edge of Callum’s shirt to reveal the purple bloom that marred his otherwise fair skin,

"Gave you that did he?" His voice is harsh around the edges, the thought of someone else, someone that isn't _him_ touch and claim Callum’s body, it made him want to hit something, _someone_ , hit him until his knuckles were bruised and bloody.

Callum pulls away, shaking his head, not at Ben, but at the war that's raining inside of him, the tug of war between him wanting to fall into Ben's arms and the one that is thinking about Oliver and moving on from Ben.

The words that Ben had told him a month ago, _its none of my business_ made the choice for him though, he steps back and away from Ben, and tries to once again step around him, he's a step away from the door when Ben calls after him,

“I bet you've called out my name when you’re with him” Ben smirks when Callum is in front of him again, his face red with anger “I’m right, ain’t i?” Ben laughs in disbelief “Wow.”

“Why are you like this Ben?” Callum is back in Ben’s space, slamming him against the wall, like their first encounter in the Beale house.

“Why? Cos you know its true” Ben’s got a smug face on, and Callum can’t help himself, he looks down at those lips he’s missed so much, and before he can stop himself he crashes his lips against Ben’s.

It feels like Callum has regained a missing piece from his life, those lips that fit perfectly with his, kissing and sucking at his lips, his tongue, teeth crashing against teeth.

Ben moans into the kiss, his hands are causing a mess of Callum’s perfectly styled hair; he missed this, running his fingers through his hair, messing him up. Ben presses open mouthed kisses down Callum’s jaw, completely ignoring the mark that is on his neck, for now, and kissing every bit of skin he can get his mouth on.

Ben tugs at Callum’s shirt and leads them into a stall, closing the door behind him, Callum’s lips are back on Ben’s, searching.

“God, Callum, I missed ya. I missed ya so damn much”

Ben is searching for friction as he wedges his thigh in between Callum’s and starts rutting against Callum’s own thigh.

 _Liar._ It’s all Callum can think about, as Ben places his experienced lips against his neck, down his chest. He wants to give in but he can’t.

Ben’s hands go to Callum’s belt, undoing the clasp, unbuttoning his jeans, and sliding down the zip. Ben is reaching inside to grab at Callum’s dick, when Callum pushes him back a bit too hard.

“Stop.” His breathing is harsh “Ben, we can’t do this.”

“Why not?”

“Cos…cos I’m with Oliver now” Callum is zipping back up his jeans, and tying his belt, his hands shaking.

“What, he your boyfriend or something?”

“N-no, but…you and me? We’re done, remember? You said that yourself Ben, I ain’t forget that”

“Callum…I’m really sorry about that…I didn’t mean it”

“Then why did you say those things, Ben?!” Callum really didn’t want to do this now, not when he was half hard in his jeans, the man he was still so clearly in love with and the object of his sexual desires was standing right in front of him, hair a mess, lips swollen and pink, his skin flushed and desire and hurt in his eyes.

“I…” Ben dropped his gaze, the last thing he wanted to do was admit everything to Callum, and really make Callum hate him.

“Forget it, Ben. You and I? We’re just not suited, remember? You also made that very clear.” Callum’s hand is on the door of the stall they’re in when Ben grabs at him and in a barely audible voice says,

“I’ll tell ya everything, but not here. I need to proper talk to you Callum”

Callum’s heart flutters at the thought that they could actually salvage their relationship, if only Ben managed to open up to him.

“Alright. We’ll go to my flat, yeah?”

Callum leans back into Ben’s space, and lowers his head to gently press his lips against Ben’s, he smiles as he pulls away. Ben nods, a shaky breath escaping his lips as he follows behind Callum as he opens the stall door and goes to open the door of the restroom.

“Wait outside for me, yeah? I’ll let them know I’m leaving” Ben nods once again without saying a word. Callum opens the door and on the other side is Oliver; he is shocked to see him there.

“Oliver…I’m…we need to talk.”

“It’s okay Callum, I kind of heard everything…” Oliver takes a deep breath “I’ll just…I’m going back to London, yeah? It was fun hanging out with you Callum, but I know there’s a lot still going on between you two” he smiles at Callum and looks over his shoulder at Ben “if this don’t work out, you have my number” he smiles once again and steps out of the Vic.

“Well that was nice of him” Ben smiles and heads outside of the Vic to wait for Callum.

Callum is walking towards the table Jay, Lola, and Whitney are sat at, his legs trembling, but he feels content.

“Well took you long enough. Look at the state of ya, what happened? Where’s Oliver?” asks Jay, taking a sip of his beer as he finally sees behind Callum and spots Ben leaving the Vic. He nods _Ah!_ and smiles at Callum.

“Oliver left. I need to talk with Ben; I’ll see ya later, yeah?”

Lola’s face beams at that, while Whitney just scowls, and takes another sip of her drink, “ya gonna downgrade again” she smirks once again, and puts her hands up in defeat when Callum glares at her.

Callum takes a deep breath before he opens the doors to the Vic again, but this time, he doesn’t feel like wanting to run away, when he’s outside, he spots Ben leaning against the wall, right leg tucked under him and playing with his ring, a soft smile spreading across his face when his eyes land on Callum.

They begin their walk towards Callum’s flat, when Ben is starting to head to the funeral parlor.

“Where you going?” Callum asks a quizzical look on his face.

“Your flat? You said so, Callum”

“I ain’t live there no more. Come on.” Callum’s pace picks up as his heart starts racing once again, but when he turns to look at Ben, all those nerves are leaving his body.

“You ain’t living above the funeral parlor anymore? Why?”

“I wanted to get away from you. Really wanted to try and forget you. Because I knew if I ran into you, I wouldn’t be able to control myself.” He smiled shyly.

“And you weren’t able to control yourself, threw yourself right at me, didn’t ya?”

Callum laughs, something he hadn’t done genuinely in a long while, he fumbles for his keys as they get to the door of his new flat, pushing through it, and holding the door open for Ben.

Ben looks around, notices the walls are empty and the room is scarce, bar the few needed furniture to consider someplace livable, he’s got a small couch, a coffee table, a TV, and a dinner table.

“Do you want something to drink? Tea, coffee, water?”

“Do you got beer? Whiskey? Something a bit stronger”

“Don’t really want you with a clouded mind right now Ben, coffee alright?”

“Yeah, yeah alright”

He takes a seat at the dinner table, just watching Callum come and go and preparing everything to make the coffee. Ben’s phone dings loudly in his pocket, and he reaches in he sees a message from none other than Mick himself.

_Let him know how ya feel Ben._

Ben smiles at the text and replies with a simple smiling emoji. He sends out a quick text to Lola that just reads, ‘ _with callum, don’t bother_ me’ and he shuts his phone off. If someone needed to reach him, they had to wait, for once he was going to put himself and his happiness first.

Even with all the time they have spent away from each other, Callum still knows how to make Ben the perfect cup of coffee.

But, to be fair, Ben doesn’t know if before Callum he had a _perfect cup of coffee_ but since their first morning together and that Callum brewed the coffee and made him a cup, he found out that _that_ cup, was perfect and every cup after that, that wasn’t made by Callum was subpar. He smiles, as he’s handed the hot cup, inhales the steam and takes a sip. _Perfect_ , like always.

Callum takes a seat opposite of Ben, his own cup of coffee in his hands.

“Go on then, Ben, tell me. What happened?”

Ben takes a deep breath, trying to avoid every way possible this conversation.

“Well, it had everything to do with my dad—“

“Yeah, I knew that Ben, but why? Why did he hurt Jack?”

“It’s Sharon…the baby she’s expecting…it ain’t my dad’s. It’s Keanu’s” he presses his lips into a tight line, knowing that the following statement was going to be the final straw for Callum, he _knew_ that once Callum knew _everything_ , there was no going back.

“That’s it? Really, Ben? You pushed me away because Sharon and Keanu had an affair and the baby ain’t Phil’s? How did that even affect us?” Callum’s voice is rising, hysterical.

“That ain’t everything Cal. You just…you just don’t cross a Mitchell, alright? And what Keanu did, he needed to pay” his voice trembles, his hands are shaking against the coffee cup. He didn’t want to confess everything. Callum reaches forward, wrapping his large hands around Ben’s, rubbing small circles at the back of his hand. Ben smiles at the gesture, Callum always knowing how to start to calm him, he knew him too well.

“And that’s it? You don’t cross a Mitchell, so you guys beat up Keanu, like you did Jack?”

“Callum, I told you enough. And like I said last time, there are just something’s that need to stay with me and me alone.”

“Ben, just tell me, please. I can handle it—“

“Callum, please, it’s for your own good that I don’t tell you more, alright? Just leave it, please.” Ben’s voice waivers, as he pleads to Callum to drop the subject, his eye fall to the cup of coffee sitting in front of him, its gone cold now, but he still takes a sip of it, trying to do something else to not continue this conversation and let Callum know about everything that he did.

“My own good?” Callum slams his fists against the table, startling Ben in the process; he abruptly stands from his chair, anger building up in his bloodstream. He places around the kitchen for a while.

“I told you once Ben, I am so sick and tired of people thinking they know what’s for my own good. And you’ve done this too much. Either you tell me what you did, or you leave.”

“I killed Keanu, alright!?”

It’s a shocking confession to hear. Callum blinks multiple times, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. Did he really hear Ben correctly? He _killed_ Keanu? He walks back to the table, taking his seat again and stares at Ben.

“What?”

“I ordered the hit on Keanu. His death? It’s on me, Callum. That’s why I _needed_ to protect you, protect you from my cruel world… from _me_.”

“Protect me? Protect me from what!? Ben, we’ve been over this, remember? I’ve been to war, I’ve killed, I’ve seen bloodshed, innocent lives were taken by _me_ but because I was following orders like a dog. **Just. Like. _You_.”** He emphasizes each of his last words.

Ben’s eyes shoot up. No one had really ever dared to say those things to him. Not even Jay who knew everything _bad_ Ben had ended up doing because of Phil, and following his orders like a dog.

“But I told you Ben. I’m not this innocent man who needs protecting. I can handle myself, yeah?”

Callum takes a deep breath, yes, finding out that his boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? Killed the fiancé of his sister, was a lot to take in, but he wasn’t backing out.

“I told you Ben, I love you, and I’m _in love_ with you. I _know_ you. And I love you, regardless of what you’ve done.”

Callum gets off his chair and rounds the table to get into Ben’s space he crouches down in front of Ben, cradling his face “I mean it, Ben. I love you. And I know you love me too, and you don’t even gotta say it bac—“

“I love you too Callum. Everything I’ve done, it’s because I love you and wanted to protect you. What I said that night, those….the cruel things I said to you? They hurt me more than they could have hurt you, because I knew they were lies. But I couldn’t have you ‘round me when that was happening. I told you Callum, I can’t have you be part of that world.” Ben takes a deep shaky breath, staring into Callum’s deep eyes, getting lost in them like he always did, but always managing to find himself, to find _home_.

“And I told you, I’m already there. By your side.”

Callum leans in for a soft and chaste kiss, tears streaming down his face, because he always knew Ben loved him, Ben just needed time, and now they were on their road to recovering everything they lost in this past month.

“Callum, I know there’s a lot that I gotta make up for. And I’m sorry, yeah? But please, forgive me for what I said and did—“

“I ain’t gotta forgive anything Ben” he takes Ben into his arms, letting Ben cry out his frustration “Hey, it’s going to be okay, you’ll get through this, _we’ll_ get through this.”

There’s a soft smile on Ben’s lips, how could he have been so blind? _Callum_. His sweet Callum never did lie to him _I will be anywhere that you are_ and here he was, loving and forgiving of Ben and all his flaws. Ben knew since when he’d fallen for Callum Highway, tall, dorky, and dumb smiles, but he never really did believe how lucky he was to have him in his life, regardless of how many times he had told Callum. Ben Mitchell was so damn lucky to have someone like Callum love him and be part of his world.

\--

Between both of them they changed the sheets of Callum’s bed, and then they lay down, their bodies facing each other.

“I really missed ya Ben.” Callum whispers as he runs a finger down Ben’s nose, caressing his freckles and the small scars that are scattered across his face.

“I know, babe, I’m sorry.”

They lay on the bed just holding hands, touching, kissing, and looking at each other.

“So, where did your feet take you to? How spontaneous were they?” Ben asks his voice almost too low, his fingers playing with Callum’s.

“Not spontaneous enough. Headed to London….to uh—I had booked us a room in a fancy hotel for a week. It was going to be a shame to let it go to waste, so I just went there.”

“You had booked us a fancy hotel room, in London? How did I not know?”

“Yeah, it was meant to be a surprise and all that, starting Boxing Day, all the way into the New Year.” Callum purses his lips, trying to forget the hurt. He looks towards Ben and smiles and throws his leg over and straddles Ben. He leans down and crashes his lips against Ben’s, teeth crashing, tongue searching and opening. He starts grinding his hips down against Ben, his hands frantically reaching down to start undoing his shirt.

Everything catches Ben as a surprise. From Callum’s confession of their plans at that hotel, to Callum’s even more assertive side in what he wanted. He wants to give in completely; he had missed this, the touches, the kisses, _Callum._

Callum is going for his buckle, his hands moving too fast. 

“Callum, wait— _wait_ ” he can’t help but moan out his protest, Callum’s hands come to a halt as he had begun to unzip Ben’s jeans.

“Babe, no need to rush, alright? We have all the time to get back in sync with each other” he licks his lips, and bites his bottom lip, as Callum’s flushed face and blown pupils are staring at him “Why don’t we just…lay here, alright?” Callum nods at him, bringing his face close and brushing his lips against Ben’s, smiling at him as he pulls away and goes back to lying on the bed, panting.

Ben twists his body, stretching his arm over Callum’s chest, and running circles across his pecks, his head leaned on Callum’s shoulder.

Ben becomes too quiet for Callum’s liking; he looks down at him, noting the look on his face was that of conflict, “What you thinking about?” Callum runs his fingers through Ben’s hair, something that Ben loved and Callum could never forget. Ben eases into the touch, relishing in the missed gesture, when his thoughts come haunting him again. To Ben, it was obvious what Callum and Oliver had going on, and as much as he hated that thought, he wanted to know how far it had really gotten between them. Maybe Callum had at some point developed feelings for the man.

“What’d you do for the past month?”

“What?”

“In London, in that hotel for the past month…was it just Oliver?”

“Ben, does it matter?”

And there it was. The answer he knew he was dreading to hear. Ben swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, nodding at him.

 _“_ No, you’re alright _”_ he whispered into Callum’s shoulder. He felt his eyes start to burn at that thought. Callum in bed with other men, other men that weren’t him. Men that got to coax out the same noises he used to when he would kiss or suck at the right place. Men that got to see the scars that were spread across his body, men that got to see him come undone. But he knew no one else was at fault but him alone. He was the one that pushed Callum to do this, with what he said that night? There was no way Callum wouldn’t try and forget him.

“I always thought about you.” Callum whispers.

Ben pulls back and looks up at Callum, his face has gone red, and his eyes are glossy.

“You don’t have ta say anything Callum, I’m sorry I even mentioned it” He scoots up on the bed and noses at Callum’s cheek before he presses a kiss, and then another.

Ben is pressing open mouthed kisses down Callum’s jaw, and now it’s his turn to throw his leg over Callum and straddle him.

“It doesn’t matter to me Callum. You’re here, with me now” Ben kisses down Callum’s revealed chest “and that’s all that matters to me”. He tears open Callum’s button up, a button hitting Callum right in the chin, they both laugh. And then Ben is back to kissing Callum. He kisses his lips, then his chin, his jaw, his neck. In the corner of his eye he sees the offending mark, and it angers him. He latches on to that same spot, sinking his teeth in, and then sucking on the over sensitive skin.

“Gotta claim back what’s mine, don’t I?” He smirks when he sees the mark go a darker shade of red, the mark itself becoming slightly larger than what it was before.

\--

Ben is the first to wake up after their strenuous activities. He looks over at Callum, whose body is now littered with new love bites. He leans his body over, pressing kisses across each new mark. He feels Callum stir under him and he smiles against Callum’s skin.

“ _Ben_ ” Callum whispers, “what time is it?”

Ben looks at his watch, “a quarter to eleven”

“Oh” Callum shifts a little, which Ben takes it as awkwardness between them now. “You hungry? I could do with getting some food right now” Callum is about to get out of the bed when Ben whispers,

“Callum, are we good?”

“What?”

“You and me? Is everything okay between us?”

Callum turns back to look at Ben, he’s biting his bottom lip, a habit Callum had noticed that Ben had when he was feeling nervous and exposed. He leans back and presses a chaste kiss against Ben’s lips.

“We’re getting there.” He smiles against Ben’s lips, who pulls Callum down again to deepen the kiss between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed this, if not, come talk shit to me on tumblr  
> also please excuse my poor excuse of british _slang_ , im learning via the show

**Author's Note:**

> there might be some inconsistencies regarding the london and walford distance but hey, its fic


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